It will pass, panic attacks don't hang around for long and neither do my grey days. There will be flowers again, in fact we've been making sure of that this weekend - potting on cuttings and taking more - see it's not all been grey.
Tuesday, 20 August 2019
Sorry, not sorry
The last few days have not been the easiest, sometimes living with this bloody disease just gets on top of me and whilst diversionary activities do help, when you don't sleep the world can look very grey and you feel crap. Most of the time I don't write this down here 'cos it's not something folk want to read about but I don't want to give credence to the trope that if you "fight" you win, that being cheerful all the time means a medical miracle is just round the corner and that every day will be roses and sunshine until you wander off peacefully "over the rainbow bridge", it just isn't. Sometimes you hurt and you want to scream, cry your eyes out or curl up into a ball to make it all go away. It doesn't and if you are lucky those you love hang around, let you cry and yell, hold your hand and help the bad days pass - and believe me I know I am very lucky and just hope that they too have someone they can talk to when their days turn grey and I'm a useless puddle of selfishness.